[Video above from 2019 -- eds.]

Guys, you’ll never guess what is in the Republicans Trump-Virus bill! A great, big grift, er, gift to Lord Damp Nut hisself!

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) on Monday accused President Trump of self-dealing in pressing Senate Republicans to include in their coronavirus relief proposal $1.75 billion to rebuild the FBI headquarters on Pennsylvania Avenue in downtown Washington.

Democrats suspect Trump is pressing for the money to rebuild the FBI headquarters in downtown D.C. so that it doesn’t move out from its space on 9th Street and Pennsylvania Avenue and leave open a prime piece of real estate that could be occupied by a new hotel that would pose serious competition to the Trump International Hotel across the street.

Ya think? When amply be-chinned #MoscowMitch was asked about how it got in the bill, he said he had no idea that money was even in there, and couldn’t imagine who put it in there. Senate Appropriations Committee Chairman Richard Shelby (R-AL) on why the Trump administration is insisting on money for a new FBI headquarters in this coronavirus stimulus bill: “Good question.”

But Nancy ‘Smash’ Pelosi twitched one eyebrow explained it:

“[Republicans] didn’t have money for food stamps, but they had money for an FBI building just so that they can diminish competition for the president’s hotel.”

So, as you wait to be intubated (after waiting 2 weeks for your test results) and your freshly evicted family is living in a cardboard box down by the river, just know that the Republicans have your backs (with a knife in it).

Republished with permission from Mock Paper Scissors